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Sunday 20 August 2017
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ZongoNews Radio

He Cannot Provide for One but Wants A Second Wife

QUESTION:

Salaams. My husband joined a Muslim matrimonial service online searching for a second wife. He can’t provide for one but would like a second. I laughed when he told me. It’s like the desire of wanting more and knows that there is more available. He does not follow the basic but made strong feelings for this particular Sunnah. He talks to this woman; they have lengthy conversations, expressed feelings and so on. I told him this is haram as it is like an illegal relationship outside of marriage, except it is virtual. He calls me crazy and always pretends to know everything for what benefits him. I am tired of his games playing and being treated as second when she is online. He would slam the door on my face when he talks to her. How can I reason with him?

Maryam Bachmeier

ANSWER:
 
Salaam sister,
Your husband is feeling lonely! If your husband is behaving like this, then it is very likely that the mutual companionship you are both seeking is not there. Perhaps you do not communicate and have not been able to work collaboratively for some time.
I would suggest that your husband is feeling lonely, and possibly even rejected by you. He might also feel as if his manhood is being attacked as he is not able to provide.  If he is seeking a second wife, then he is not happy; and these are only some ideas of what might be happening.
You mentioned that he is unable to provide for you. I am wondering if you are having financial difficulty and this may be putting a strain on your relationship with your husband. Is he having difficulty finding work?
There is a worldwide financial crisis going on and more and more women are becoming the primary earners because they won’t hire the men as they can pay women less. This is happening in many places in the world, and men are having a very difficult time with it. Perhaps, when he is talking to this woman, he feels the way he wishes he could feel with you.
Get Marriage Counseling
I would suggest that you get marriage counseling and ask your husband to come with you. Something in your relationship does not seem healthy. Perhaps if you get this counseling, both of you will be able to understand each other better, and communicate better and your marriage will improve.
Don’t Tell Him what’s Halal/Haram
I don’t suggest telling him what is lawful and what is not lawful, even if you know and he is not behaving appropriately. He knows what is haram and what is not.
Secondly, I suggest that you do not try to “reason” with him as this will make matters worse. It is your relationship with him that needs repairing, and this is where your focus should be.
Let me know what you think.
 

-Aboutislam